asalamu alaikum warhamatullahi wabarakatuh,


i pray you are all in the best of health and strong eman. and the best of mental health too, of course. and what does that mean? 'the best of mental health'... i suppose it is something different for every mentally ill person, isnt it? for me, having a day when i am relatively stable and fluctuating 'in the middle' constitutes a good mental health day. usually i am cycling up or down on a fairly regular basis, not much time in between to stop and smell the roses. or anything else, for that matter.

but then, depending on what i need to accomplish that day, cycling up could spell out a lot of benefit as well. less sleep required, more excitement and motivation to actually do something. the other day i was fairly up and climbing higher and i sewed two skirts, two over sized khimar with matching underscarves, whipped up two gourmet meals and washed the floors of my apt and did laundry. all in one afternoon. so clearly, being on the up and up has some distinct advantages over feeling blue. no doubt about it. but sometimes, i actually like to revel in my sadness. it doesnt last particularly long, anymore, alhamdullilah. but it shows up quite often. we are old friends at this point, 18 years after diagnosis. old friends indeed. i know when depression is going to show up and i know how to deal with it now. it's frustrating, but what the heck else am i going to do? i use to try to fight it, that just wore me out. now i anticipate it, curl up with a good book (Even if i have to read every page three times from lack of focus...) some chocolate or chips and just ride out the storm.... i know that sooner or later, i will be back on a high....


masalama

asalamu alaikum,


Today while sitting and waiting to see my psychiatrist i happened to flip through a recent edition of Bipolar Magazine. a 49 year old bipolar muslimah from the eastern US wrote in a letter to the editor, name withhelf of course, talking about how she lives in shame with the illness because her muslim community has prejudices against the disease. subhannaAllah.

but i ask, what community doesnt have prejudices against the mentally ill? dr. P and i chatted today for an hour and one of the things he mentioned was that the medical community as a whole is incredibly prejudiced against the mentally ill. can you imagine? people who have trained and studied and live their lives assisting people who are unwell... sadly, i knew what he was saying was true. a year ago i went to a new doctor, she was young and clearly affluent. it was the intake meeting and she was getting to know me. i was feeling really good that day and was dressed nicely and was very very relaxed. we chatted for about 15 minutes and she asked me "what do you take the epival for?" i calmly replied "ah, for bipolar disorder" and what did the bigotted ninny say? "oh yes, i could tell that you are very stressed and upset." ???????????????? you gotta be kidding me. did i ever go back to see her? nope. why would i bother? the amount of prejudice we (the mentally ill) face on a daily basis - at work, in our families, amongst our friends, on tv and in movies....- is enough to tide us over. why do we need to purposely subject ourselves to it?

so when a middle aged bipolar muslimah writes to a bipolar periodical, saying that her community (we the Muslims) have a lack of understanding and prejudice against the mentally ill, i dont disagree. but i do ask to be enlightened about what community accepts us with open arms, complete understanding, and a total lack of prejudice and fear? there isnt one.

so yes, our communities (all faith groups, ethnic groups ...) need to be educated. we the biopolar people (and the depressed people, the obsessive compulsive and the schizophrenics...) need to reach out and show ourselves to be the creative, intelligent, and unique people that we are. we need to take the stigma away from those who would seek to forever label us, slander us, and target us with their campaigns of fear and ignorance. the governments and local health agencies can do all the campaigns that they want attempting to portray the mentally ill as normal and well adjusted folk, but the true onus is on us, my brothers and sisters in mental illness. we are the ones who need to come out of the shadows and speak about our experiences, our triumphs and our failures.

it just takes a single step, a lot of faith, and the support of people who understand... may Allah subhanahu wa tala guide us all to take this first step. inshaAllah.



masalama

welcome to the 'm' word - mental illness

asalamu alaikum/peace be upon you,


yeah, i know, mental illness is the dreaded topic that no one wants to talk about... but it's amazing how many people live with it. suffer with it. struggle with it. fight with it. challenge it. and finally, just accept it. from the time i was about 15 until i hit 28, i fought it. i hated it. i challenged it. didnt want to have it. didnt want to choke down all of those (rather large and odd tasting) pills every day. but eventually, i just said, okay, this is from Allah, this is from my Creator. so what am i missing here? and then i started to think about being bipolar, about really contemplating what it meant and even, 'why'. i began to view the illness as a life experience, as something that really was a blessing, i was just being to stubborn to open my eyes, and my mind, to accept that this gift from my Rabb, is a tool and an opportunity, not some sort of curse. so alhamdullilah.

armed with this new found acceptance (i mean, it had to come at some point, i couldnt keep up all the self hate and loathing...) i started working on my deen, my eman, for the first time. having embraced the deen earlier in my twenties, it wasnt until just over 5 years ago, when i started respecting the illness, that i could value my religion. when we hate ourselves, we can not possibly love God. we are His creation! this illness was a gift from Him that i realized i had to work with, not against. and so i have. i found many people in my local Muslim community (as well as many open minded non Muslims) who were willing to work with me, who were willing to listen to my ideas - ideas and thoughts and opinions that i was always too scared to share lest everyone would be able to tell i was mentally ill. subhannaAllah.

so this blog that i am starting is really an opportunity to reach out to 'like minded' individuals (i dont care what religious beliefs you possess) as well as for Muslims who are interested in understanding what it is like to be mentally ill and how the deen can assist you in overcoming anything, no matter how disabling it is.