asalamu alaikum warhamatullahi wabarakatuh,


i pray you are all in the best of health and strong eman. and the best of mental health too, of course. and what does that mean? 'the best of mental health'... i suppose it is something different for every mentally ill person, isnt it? for me, having a day when i am relatively stable and fluctuating 'in the middle' constitutes a good mental health day. usually i am cycling up or down on a fairly regular basis, not much time in between to stop and smell the roses. or anything else, for that matter.

but then, depending on what i need to accomplish that day, cycling up could spell out a lot of benefit as well. less sleep required, more excitement and motivation to actually do something. the other day i was fairly up and climbing higher and i sewed two skirts, two over sized khimar with matching underscarves, whipped up two gourmet meals and washed the floors of my apt and did laundry. all in one afternoon. so clearly, being on the up and up has some distinct advantages over feeling blue. no doubt about it. but sometimes, i actually like to revel in my sadness. it doesnt last particularly long, anymore, alhamdullilah. but it shows up quite often. we are old friends at this point, 18 years after diagnosis. old friends indeed. i know when depression is going to show up and i know how to deal with it now. it's frustrating, but what the heck else am i going to do? i use to try to fight it, that just wore me out. now i anticipate it, curl up with a good book (Even if i have to read every page three times from lack of focus...) some chocolate or chips and just ride out the storm.... i know that sooner or later, i will be back on a high....


masalama