asalamu alaikum/peace be upon you,
yeah, i know, mental illness is the dreaded topic that no one wants to talk about... but it's amazing how many people live with it. suffer with it. struggle with it. fight with it. challenge it. and finally, just accept it. from the time i was about 15 until i hit 28, i fought it. i hated it. i challenged it. didnt want to have it. didnt want to choke down all of those (rather large and odd tasting) pills every day. but eventually, i just said, okay, this is from Allah, this is from my Creator. so what am i missing here? and then i started to think about being bipolar, about really contemplating what it meant and even, 'why'. i began to view the illness as a life experience, as something that really was a blessing, i was just being to stubborn to open my eyes, and my mind, to accept that this gift from my Rabb, is a tool and an opportunity, not some sort of curse. so alhamdullilah.
armed with this new found acceptance (i mean, it had to come at some point, i couldnt keep up all the self hate and loathing...) i started working on my deen, my eman, for the first time. having embraced the deen earlier in my twenties, it wasnt until just over 5 years ago, when i started respecting the illness, that i could value my religion. when we hate ourselves, we can not possibly love God. we are His creation! this illness was a gift from Him that i realized i had to work with, not against. and so i have. i found many people in my local Muslim community (as well as many open minded non Muslims) who were willing to work with me, who were willing to listen to my ideas - ideas and thoughts and opinions that i was always too scared to share lest everyone would be able to tell i was mentally ill. subhannaAllah.
so this blog that i am starting is really an opportunity to reach out to 'like minded' individuals (i dont care what religious beliefs you possess) as well as for Muslims who are interested in understanding what it is like to be mentally ill and how the deen can assist you in overcoming anything, no matter how disabling it is.
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As-salaamu Alaikum Sister,
Thank you for your blog. I am a new Muslim and I also have bipolar disorder. I was wondering if you could comment on how you overcame your self-hatred, if you did fully, or if it is something that you struggle with day to day. Jazak'Allah Khair!
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